A Journey of Symbols

We venture through life as a wandering soul,
searching for answers about many things
Who we are?
Why we are here?
When will it all end?
Why me?
Questions endless aligned in streams
Yet answers seem like a crevice and seams
in a harsh desert where life juices is scarce
drop by drop the voice appears


Sometimes we look too far and look too deep for answers we seek.
I came across a story of which the answers we seek.

The Story begins of Nasrudin and the egg

One morning, Nasrudin - the great Sufi mystic who always pretended to be mad - wrapped an egg in a cloth, went into the town's main square, and called the people who were there. - Today there will be an important contest! - he said - Whoever discovers what is inside this cloth, will be given the egg inside it!

The people exchanged glances, intrigued, and answered: - How can we know? No one is capable of divination! Nasrudin insisted: - That which is inside this cloth has a yellow center like a yolk, surrounded by a clear liquid like egg white, which in turn is contained inside a shell which breaks very easily. It is a symbol of fertility, and reminds us of birds flying to their nests. So, who can tell me what is hidden here?

All the folk thought Nasrudin was holding an egg, but the answer was so obvious, no one wanted to embarrass themselves in front of everyone else. What if it wasn't an egg, but something more important, a product of the fertile Sufi mystic's imagination? A yellow center might suggest the sun, the surrounding liquid could be an alchemist's concoction. No, the madman was definitely trying to make someone look a fool.

Nasrudin asked twice more, and no one dared say something foolish. So he unwrapped the cloth and showed everyone the egg. - You all knew the answer - he said - And no one dared put it into words.

"Such are the lives of those who haven't the courage to risk: solutions are generously provided by God, but people always seek complicated explanations, and end up doing nothing."

An interesting tale
A short story it seems
Yet left my thoughts provoked till this day and age
We all need courage to pursue our dreams
Dreams give us hope
A wish for tomorrow
As sure as the sun will rise and set
Where can we find our inner strength?

SYMBOLS - a way of life. It represents who you are, why you are the way you are and where you should take your next path?

Ask yourself this day: What is my symbol and is it useful for me?

Sometimes a little courage and the right direction can go a long way
To happiness and what our hearts desire.

Playing Games with FATE

Fate plays a cruel hand
When you think you are winning, you are not
When you think you are almost at the end, you realized you went one full circle
Some want life to be a bed of roses
No adversity, no pain, no sadness, no tears
Where sunflowers grow and kids smile all day
Would it not be nice to be happy always?

If thou agrees and thou consents
Then why do we send the jovial kind
condemned to asylums for the loony lies
Because they are crazy to be gay all the time?
What is to be normal, to have an ordinary life?
Is it to be sad and happy all rolled into one?
Regret and disappointment ever so near
Distress and frustration a daily fair
and once a blue moon as a special treat
To think of death as a means to an end
Is that what normal really means?

It is so sad when one is to read
seventeen girl gets AIDS in bed
First and only time
Poor soul, beguiled by fallacies of true love
That by giving one receives
Perchance this be a lesson to all who pass
the temptation of lust and bodily fun
That one might resist or else succumb
To the dark musty cranny where unknown comes

Gambling is a game for fools
When you think you win, you lose nine times out of ten
Be smart be wise
Invest your time and life
To somewhere else where fate cannot divide
between you and what you deserve
In many years to come

A Pack of Cards


Life is like a pack of cards
Fifty two in all
Milestones or tribulations
We will never know
Till the last drawn breath
An Ace or a joker
A winner or joke
Ironic it seems that
A single card can decide
The final epilogue of one’s life
Whether you laugh or laughed at

Every card has a part to play
In a eyes of a mortal man
Everyone aims for THE picture
A king, a queen or a jack
Never a three, four or five
Unless the rules are changed
When invention of humanity are distorted
By some perverse demented soul
Who seeks sanity by changing what he cannot change
Who is the real insane one? The sane or those deemed insane
Who set the rules? Who really rules?
Does the king rule its people or the people rule the king?

Every facet of life represented by a card
A spade, heart, diamond or club
Two colors there are: Red and black.
Red, a color of passion, love and perhaps even lust
Black, a manifestation of darkness and vile that lurks
Turn the mirror around and what really happens?
Red becomes anger, hatred and pain
Black serene as can be, emptiness can be a wonderful thing

Nine times out of ten
Losers at a gambling table
Could this be what life really juxtaposes?
Should I be meek and never take chances
Or should I take the first step forward?
Never ventured nothing gained
You cannot climb a smooth mountain


A mark of success is by the things that matter to you most – Gary Lee

AWAKEN THE GIANT WITHIN

A title coined by one of the world's greatest motivational coach Anthony Robbins. Everyone of us has a hero within us, a giant that lays in its slumber just like in Greek Methology where the battles of the Gods and the Giants took place. All it took was a catalyst of some sort to enrage the sleeping giant. In my rest and slumber, I came across many revelations perchance a journey to become more aware of myself. My name is ME but I am not my NAME. Having been on this earth for the past so many years, how well do we really know ourselves. When SHIT happens in our lives, we blame everything around us. We curse the seven heavens and those who left us in this plight. But when we are high and mighty, do we ever remember to be grateful to those who got us there? I too am a victim of circumstances. Along the way, I learnt that the past indeed does not equal to the future.

It is a simple equation actually. You cannot deny the existence of your past because it is what made you who you are. Your past inevitably decided your present but it does nothing for your future. What you do NOW decides what happens in the future. Hence your past does not equal to the future. But mathematically speaking, if A=B and B=C; then shouldn't A=C? Sighs, Life is just so complicated.

Recently, I had a philosophical thought. Why call a chair a chair since it has four legs and holds things? Should it not be called a table instead? And why is a table a table since it has four legs and we can sit on them? It should be called a chair. Who ever decided it should be called a chair or table? Can it not be called a squigglepop or leggyfour? Seems crazy indeed but we sometimes gain inspiration from insanity.

I have woken up or at least I think so, ready to face future endeavors and challenges to come. As they say, you cannot climb a smooth mountain. Without adversity in life, one can never sharpen one's blade and allow the shine to come through. I found the sparkle in the gem of my life through the dirt and crevices. Have you found yours?

Eternal Slumber

Dear all, this will be my last entry due to some unforeseen circumstances...... for those who have kindly poured in your comments, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. As William Shakespeare says, To be or not to be... famous words but how many of us know what it truly means... nothing last forever... till next time my friends... hibernation mode..... ON (for how long....... I don't really know)

The Snail

The snail slow and steady
Has a tale to tell
of dark secrets & hidden past
too morbid to soothsay
Maybe I will write a book
Or even a novel of romance, horror and perhaps even lust
but alas the truth of what presents
of lies, facades and twisted fates
of what seemed real now becomes surreal
many thought the snail was gone
quished and squashed
liquified and evaporated

Deceptions aside & hope beckons
everything has a time and place
Purpose and reason for existence of such
that comes a day of reckoning
when the past will be relived
people thought computers die
when formated and complicated
but none would have known
knowledge was king
with registry still intact
the truth will be revealed
and the future will be predicted
HAHAHAHA
the day will come
when the good will triumph and the bad will be ..........

Forget all this
sport for Man and creatures alike
The snail has his own perils to deal with
of waiting and waiting and waiting some more
Just say YES the mind screams
and wails at the top of its voice
NOW is the word
NOW is the time
NOW is what I want most to hear
You know that NOW

NOW

Reading a book
Titled the Power Of Now
Simple title
Yet music to my ears
Nothing changes yet everything does
Why you ask
So did Socrates
Greatest Philosopher on Earth
Mentor to Plato
As all might have heard
Asking questions day and night
We might say he is curious
Others may call him nosy
Whatever it was
Whatever it is
He who does not know is the wisest
For the Oracle predicted so
that when asked who was the wisest of them all

Socrates was his name
He quivered he shook
He wondered it all
Does it make sense?
Who ever said that had to make sense?
When would be the right time to ask?
When would be the right time to act?
When would be the right time to say YES?
Socrates thought long and hard
forty scores and many nights
until he stumbled upon the answer.
If he waited, if he hesitated
One day would never come

He knew which word would be most befitting
A joyous ending to end all his woes and sorrows
To straighten his furrowed brows and ugly frown
To water the withered flower within his heart
The wisest of all Man dead or alive
There was to be none before him or none after him
There would only be one him, Socrates

And what better word to replace the fables and fairytales
of once upon a time or one day
than a simple word, a 3 lettered creation
NOW!
The question remains, when would NOW come?
Perhaps 1 day, 5 days or even 10 days from NOW
Keep thy promise, keep thy word
Your word is gold and treasure delight
NOW is the word I would most like to hear.

The TREE

A sapling spawned
The beginning of life
For this young seedling
To face a myriad of worlds
a land of unforeseen prophecies
To weather the torment of winds
And the patters of rain
Day after day
Night after night
Rain or shine
In life, opposites exist
Or so says the philosophers
Nothing from nothing
Everything from everything
That everything exist for a reason
broken into its elements four
of air, water, fire and earth
spring forth the gift of life

Challenges rose and troubles brewed
Yet in the most enigmatic fashion,
Roots in place
flowers blossomed in sight
The chirping of birds
The greenery of leaves
A sight to behold
Almost wanton and sinful
to dwell in such an anastacia
of fantasy and make believe

Now strong and sturdy
A tree it has become
Branches with teak motif
Leaves of lush green, brown and red
A spectrum of colors
that only artists could capture
Untouched and untainted
by the concrete jungle
Forces of natures
where Angels dwell
and devils shun
A wonderous perspective into what life is
And what it could be

Years past
maybe 10 maybe 20
Numbers it just is
What has become of this tree?
A dreary sight
Tears streamed down the ducts of every eye
A withered spectacle
Of what it used to be
A single leaf falls in an almost dramatic dance
In melody with the cold winds that blow
sends shivers even in the bravest of us
A parched lake hangs beside our friend
Everything's gone
Everything's dead
Leaving behind a lonesome tree
to listen to the howls of the midnight wolf
Is it fear or is it sorrow
of what tommorow could lay

TIME

Title of a magazine
Name of a place
1st words taught to a minor
A way to quantify our lives
We have come to a full circle
From adolescents to adults we have become
Yet no one can really answer this question.

WHAT IS TIME?
Some may say it is what is on the watch
Some say it is to keep us on time.
Who in the world ever said we had to be ON time?
Why can't we be under time or over time?
In this god forsaken land we call the rat race
Everyone is racing against time
Have we forgotten the simple pleasures in life
To appreciate what we have or feel
Even pain can be a miracle once in a while
Let us know we still live
In this cemetary we call home
Why is a city a cemetary and a cemetrary a city?
I guess I found my answer to that

Fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time"
Which time, where and how?
When did it all begin?
Alas if only reality was like fables
To suffer through tribulations and trials
And have a euphoric ending
of victories and celebrations
But it is not to be
My most hated word for the moment is.........
One day........
What is this one day?
two very simple words
One is a number while the other reflective of night
Yet these two words torment me day and night
If only there was a way to count it
One day two days
When will this one day come?
When will the day come when I can see the light at the end of the tunnel?
When When When?

I sickened myself asking these questions
Wanted to stand tall and walk up straight
Pretend everything is alright and life goes on
But like a clown I put on a show.
Making people laugh and enjoy the show
But I'm crying inside
No one knows it but ME.
Wish I could put this burden down
like a fallen hero with no where to go
Wearied and beaten
like a foul mongrel
A fool in vertigo of love and hate
A sprial of neverending concoctions of feelings and memories
of what was and what could be
Heightened expectations that could never be met
of self and of scenes of what might be instead

Time, all I need is time
Tell me someone
When will this one day come?
Patience is just a word
Easier said than done
With emotions and feelings all rolled into one
I feel like a dwarf standing at the brink of a vast ocean
at the beach overlooking the waters
As it forms a horizon between the fluid blue and the fluffy blue
The sun shines bright and hope seems near
Yet it can be dashed with a tsunami of waves
Washing the poor dwarf and away we go
Far far away to never never land
If only I knew where I was headed with this
A boat or even a scuba gear
could aid me in my quest
in pursuit of my hero's journey
So kind soul, please tell me
When will this one day come.

Untitled

Not a Simple Plan
Or a lazy attempt
But how I feel and how I think
At this second and minute
Can hardly be compartmentalized or categorized
Into the conformities that Society has set for its minions to follow
Blind are the believers
To take it all in
Trusting that the higher beings know it all
For a Man who thinks he knows all knows nothing
And a Man who knows nothing knows everything
Why must we conform to what the past has set for us?
Perhaps so that history will not repeat thy self
I think, I feel and I disagree
The morning mist and the evening glare
thousands of years have past
same words different views
ceteris paribus is an absolute impossibility
a word found in economics
about demand and supply
I hate the word demand
especially those who think they know it all
flaunt what they have and what they think they know
Arrogance is all they have gained
From knowledge accumulated through the years
wisdom is knowledge
Knowledge is not wisdom
Obviously some have simply thought otherwise
Too big for caps to fit their heads
Hope and dream and even wish
Vengence may come upon them
Vanquish the proud and the disrespectful
For the good of Man
Do humanity a service
People may say.
Don't hate the player
Hate the game
A game we are all forced to play
Who ever came up with this stupid term
the customer is always right.
Politeness goes down the drain
No please no request
Demands, I want it NOW, it can be done
have somehow replaced the sweetness of how we once were

Woe is me, how can we ever turn the clock back
to destroy these thorns in my flesh
that irk me everytime I see them
Harsh words we use to describe them
What can I do?
Feel sorry, cry my heart out
Nay, for those are for self pity
We should be strong and fight for the common good
We have the alpha omega, the ultimate weapon
beyond human comprehension and understanding
A smile is all we need
grit our teeth and bear the pain
surpress the anger and wrench the vengence
Behind the smile
malicious thoughts and forceful words
hidden behind every molar and inscior
awaiting a day when the good will finally prevail.

Confused?

Confused, a patented word for mere mortals
When the world is in a topsy turvy,
Or when perceptions reflect a mosaic of life.
What is she saying? I'm confused
What does she mean? I'm confused
What does she want from me? I'm confused
Why is she doing this to me? I'm confused
Where do we go from here? I'm confused
Questions fashioned to boggle the minds of the weak ones
Ice blended emotions and issues all rolled into one
Like multi-colored plasticine manipulated by a young child
Who knows not what he or she does
But enjoys the torment of creating a confusion of colors
intertwined by destiny and twisted by fate

Maybe we think too much, feel too deep and fall too far
To ever understand the complexity and purpose of tweaking the veins and vines
of human emotions and minds
Per chance a day may come
When the clouds may clear
and the mist disappears
revealing in all its glory
a beam of bright white light
a ray of hope, a multitude of answers
Wisdom, a word always heard but misunderstood
How does one know when to be wise?
When one attains nirvana or when one learns everything that needs to be learnt?
If that is so, then wise is no one.
I too will be wise when my answer comes,
of what I seek that the One knows
I pray each moment that the day will come
when the whispers of what I desire to hear
rustle in the winds
that she may beckon my presence
One day
For now I remain confused.

Another day has passed


It has been a couple of days since I have updated my blog and I guess my faithful friends who have been following my blog must have been shocked and at the same time happy somewhat that I decided to update my blog more often. I guess I decided to do so because it is an outlet for me to express my thoughts and vent whatever frustrations and anger I have about life. My mentor once said: "What cannot be expressed finds expression" Now come to think of it, it is so true. If I have not found ways to express my feelings, I think I would have gone bonkers by now. In the past, I used to explode at the slightest thing. Friends who have known me for a long long time would know this fact about me. Scary would be the word. Nowadays I choose to implode everything, numb myself from the affairs that this world brings. I am not sure how much of it I can hold inside me.

I have been drifting in and out of consciousness. I live in a very surreal world right now. I can't seem to tell what is real to me and what is not. People and things that I thought was a certain perspective now seems like a total facade. I cannot take everything wholesale anymore because of lessons that I have learnt that the world that we live in is not as distinct as it seems. It is not longer a world of clear black and white. Instead, there are so many grey areas that I can no longer distingush what is the truth and what is falsehood. It is so frustrating having to 2nd guess what people's intentions. I really miss primary school days when life was a lot simpler. We did not have to worry that people had hidden agendas. Life was in your face as it is. I find it really anguishing and painful that people's actions sometimes don't match what they say. How am I supposed to know how to repond or react? It is not what you say but how you say it that matters more. I thought that things would look up for me and I was coming out of my dark patch. I was happy for a while, leading a more carefree life but things had to happen and I am now stuck in this vertigo of rotten emotions again. I have been ping ponging between a multitude of feelings that makes me feel frustrated being a human being. Why can't life be more opaque than it is now? People play games, everyone does. I am growing weary and worn out from having to participate in these games. I have become an unwilling party in this sport that some have fashioned to get the minons to participate for pleasure or jest. Whatever it is, it sucks to be treated like a fool sometimes. Everything is a choice and maybe I have made a choice for others to treat me like a fool. On one hand, you know that you deserve a lot better. On the other hand, a part of you still feels that there is something worth holding onto. For now, my vision is like the weather in Singapore, gloomy with showers from time to time, unpredicatable most times. Maybe in a couple of days, the sun will shine and we all can go get a tan but we know that it is unpredictable. We will just have to see.

NUMB

People find different ways to numb themselves, a way to be devoid of emotions and perhaps morbid in nature, to enter a demonic state of senseless anguish and pain, tattered with heart breaking anticipation of what might be tomorrow. Some entrench themselves in the magic dragon while others go in pursuit of the magic drink. Others pretend everything is ok until the emotions overwhelm them. I used to numb myself by sleeping it off. I begin to realize that my reliable old friend is no longer there. I wake up hoping to desensitize myself, numbing myself from whatever that bothers me. Instead I find myself a million times amplified.

This holidays I chose to return to myself, searching for what I had lost before. Those who know me know that this is not the one I usually am. Why am I like this I do not know? Everything has a place and a purpose and perhaps it is there to teach me a lesson. A little voice tells me to have hope that the rainbow will come after the storm while another tells me to have fear that I may not see the light again. I too fear that I may not be able to pick myself up again, to be able to guide my ship out of the choppy seas. All it would take is a CATALYST to explode it into multiple propulsions. In the past, everytime things happened, I have chosen to numb myself and not feel too much. I chose not to cry and move on with my life. I guess choices have consequences and its all coming back to me now. Many events have happened, some happy but mostly sad. That is a summary of how my life has been this year. Life is about perceptions and yes, my view is of a shady grey. It is my choice and this is how I feel. I sometimes wish Mother Earth would open up a gaping hole and suck me into the cores of existence so that I would not need to feel so much ever again.

There was this little bird that dwelled in the forest of lush green and of infinite depth. A league of the unknown where many perils lurked. Yet in the midst of confusion and turmoil, It knew what it wanted and it knew where to go. It was convicted by faith and decisive by choice. As life would have it, challenges came and obstacles arose. Each battle was fought and won. Battle scars remain but this little bird chose to ignore the remincences of the war and trudge on with life. It numbed itself from the pain and told itself to fight on. Some wounds healed while others were reopened over and over again. The pain was excruiating at times and yet this bird chose to rise above this humanly feeling called emotions and continue on its never ending journey.


One day it came across a magnificent sight, a sight beyond earthly comprehension. It fell in love with it at lst sight. This little bird thought to itself, this is the ONE that I have been waiting for. Yet fate was to be cruel and merciless when it was told that this little bird had to wait. Waiting in anticipation can be a painful thing especially when the future remains misty and dark. No one knows what lies behind the clouds, bright sunshine or eternal darkness. As time passed, this bird begin to recollect the past, something that had never been done before. What had been forgotten and shelved into the deep valleys of memories were all coming back. Emotions overwhelmed this little bird, sadness, anger, betrayal, regret, pain, anguish, jealousy, envy, disappointment, pointless wants and fruitless anticipation. All this wore this little bird down as it became a pale shadow of a warrior that it was. An accumulation of ironies and twists of fate filled the jug of life to its brim. This bird thought to itself, one more and this would definitely overflow..... what can I do than wait for the light beyond the horizon?

Perchance a happy ending might surface for this little bird. Maybe the Gods may shine its mercies on it and grant our feathered friend the wish he has always wanted. Hope is what keeps Man alive and dreams are what tells Man that he still lives. Let's pray and hope that the dreams of this little bird may come true one day.