Patience

Patience young one,
the padawan said
Yoda then said
do or do not, try not is

Confused, disturbed all rolled into one
Per chance the beginnings
of an epic war
The tyrants arise
to conquer the lands
Who gains control
becomes the Man

A land of masscare
A pit stenched with death
Who can bring light to this dark forlorn place?
Hear the call, respond to it
Patience my child
I remembered someone said
The power of waiting
Divine for all to see

Yet true love comes like
poison in its roots and
honey on its leaves
When one endures and holds to the end
Rewards will come bountiful in nature
Sweetness and tenderness
will be my prize
when I await my beautiful bride

She wavers she coos
What does she want?
Why must she play with my heart like a strum?
I must wait, I must be patient
For I hope my wait will not be in vain
My dreams my future rests in her hands
Shattered I'll be
if she opens her hands
Hope will sink down to the ground
Like raindrops that patter on the brown brown soil


Shattered dreams I once heard
Makes a Man stronger with each humming word
I have had enough I feel
Too many have gone past my life
For me to let anymore drift by
Like logs in the ocean
floating gently away
An agony, a pain, a torment of mine
To watch mine given up as a prize
To someone somewhere
A sliver platter on which
My dreams and hopes lie
I pray my patience will pay for itself
Reap rich rewards beyond my thoughts
stretching the horizons
beyond the fabric of time
Perhaps true happiness lies

The Wretched One

Woe is me, the wretched one
Torments me day by day
When it ceases, I die.
When it lives, I suffer.
Alas, why must Man endure such treachery, to be placed on the pedestal?
Judged by feelings and circumstances,
Often of a passive nature


Hold on, a voice calls
Let go, another one says
Who should I listen to?
What should I do?
Trust me senses or logic
Choices have consequences
Know that we do
But choices of what do we make
A or B, 1 or 2


Life is of such complications
Piece by piece, fragile in form
Take time to tussle and juggle we do
Till one day it breaks sometimes in two
Shattered across smashing arrays
Why must the sky forever be grey?


My life is a farce, a lie so to call
Perceptions and answers
Whose right and whose wrong?
Believer, conceiver or victim conjoined
Some say its blue, some say its shade
Whatever it is, I don't really care


Wretched one O Wretched one,
Why must you be there?
To give me hope and take it away
To let me feel joy and intensify the pain
To tingle my senses and drench it with sadness
Someone help me please
My senses thus weak
The lifeforce that runs
through the tracks of the living
grows weaker and weaker
as sunrise and sunset
My light is fading, so is my will
When will it all finally end?


With things to pass
And routes to take
Who can come and rescue my fate?
To devour this wretched one
and keep me in sane
just for a while
before the mayhem begins again.

Water that is poured can never be retrieved back.

Translated from a Chinese saying that words, ideas, thoughts or actions can never be taken back when the deed has been done. Hence, there is room for regret and disappointment with a dash of pain and a whole lot of meloncholic feelings left behind.

Sometimes when the pain becomes overwhelming, one may search to release and vent the frustrations. Some resort to screaming their lungs out, some may resort to suicide. I chose a more healthy alternative, hitting the gym. Note that I used the word healthy, not safe because on this occasion when I was releasing my negative energies, I managed to nearly rip my entire shoulder apart because I was so "bu zhi liang li" and decided to carry the load myself. My arm gave way and the sheer force tore my muscle nearly into half. Talk about conversion of energy from emotional pain to physical pain... sounds sadistic but hey, I am entitled to this little luxury once in a while.

In every sense 0f the word, what I cannot understand, comprehend or decipher is why people take "things" back after they have given it out. It is just like the Christmas season, you buy a present for someone and it is something that this person has always wanted. You give it to him and suddenly in a moment of guilt or perhaps regret... you say.. ooopss..... sorry, I am taking it back because you re not ready for it yet. Catch my drift!!!! It is just too ironic that such things do happen in the world and the when it hits someone, the only thought is why?

Perchance patience comes to mind but yet with the ramblings that I have been going on about, patience will be left for another day. As for now, I believe that if one were to do something, one has to see it through to the very end. It is just like a marathon that a person runs halfway simply because he regreted signing up while running. The joy in the marathon is not about the glory in winning but the journey itself. It may be gruelling and it may hurt at times but heck, all of that is worth it.

When was the last time we saw through something to the very end?

I Forgot.......

I forgot when was the last time I felt sorry for myself
I forgot when was the the last trauma in my life.
I forgot when I felt hurt in my life.
I forgot when was the last time I told my parents I loved them.
I forgot when was the last time I appreciated people around me.
I forgot when was the last time I said sorry and meant it.
I forgot when was the last time I felt loved.
I forgot when was the last time I fell and picked myself up again.
I forgot where I left myself.
I forgot my existence.
I forgot there was love in this world.
I forgot there was more things to look forward to than money.
I forgot how to appreciate the simplicities of life.
I forgot when I last remembered the scent of a flower.
I forgot when was the last time my heart screamed in agony.
I forgot when it was that I only existed.
I forgot when was the last time life had no meaning for me.
I forgot that life was full of ups and downs
I forgot I was part of life.


Simply................... I forgot.......................

But its all coming back to me....

The Power of Forgiveness..........

It's the time of the year when everyone looks forward to the new year, a time for thanking those whom we appreciate and forgive those deemed have done us wrong. At the same time, it is also a period of reflection and repenting for sins against others and most importantly to ourselves.

What is forgiveness? Some say one must forgive and forget. What is the point of forgiving when everything has been forgotten. The significance of forgiveness is that perceptions change but memories remain. Resolution is probably the best form of forgiveness. Wounds may eventually heal but the scars remain. Perhaps these scars are there as a reminder for us to learn the lessons that needs to be learnt and never make the same mistake again. The greatest mistake in life is not learning from the same mistake.

How can one learn to forgive others when you have not learnt how to forgive yourself? People end up punishing themselves in many different ways like shopping as if there is no tomorrow, sinking into the dungeons of alcohol, succumbing to the whiff of the cigarette smoke. These are means and ways in which Man fortify their weakness and cracks day after day, hour after hour.
Until and unless we learn to surrender ourselves and face the truth, that is when we eventually learn how to forgive ourselves, forgive ourselves for our weaknesses of lust, greed, envy, gluttony etc, of past misdeeds to others or ourselves.

Forgiveness will come with time. When the time is RIGHT, the gates will open.

Season Eatings.....

Its the post Merry Christmas blues and I guess I have gotten past the stage of looking forward to presents. I remembered when I was young and I would look forward to what my mum would surprise me with. I guess that novelty that counts. Guess what my mum got me this year, she gave me 2 T-shirts and she gave me like 10 days before Christmas. People may say its the thought that counts. I agree but if my own mother does not know what I want, then who does? Presents become meaningful when someone out there pays enough attention to give you what you want, not something like T-shirts... like hello..... I know this entry sounds like a whiny teenager but hey, its Christmas season, cut me some slack.....

As I take this time to reflect on this past year, many things have happened, the good ones and the bad ones.... Work has been challenging but relationships have been even more. Emotions are jsut weird things to handle. I discovered that humans are just a bunch of ironic pieces of flesh. My friends concur with me on this: Those who are in a relationship can't wait to get out of it. Those who are not envy and wish they were in a relationship. Haiz... life is such an oxymoron... can't do with love and can't do without love... we live in such troubled times... you know, sometimes I wish I could be devoid of feelings. That way I would not have to be tormented by my inner demons every single day. Here is a survey, which pain is harder to bear? Physical pain or emotional pain? I say hands up to emotions. It can even make a grown man go on his knees and beg for mercy. Life is so wonderful with love around yet it can be a pain in the ass most times. We hate someone because we love them. We pin for someone because we love them. We miss someone because we love them. We let someone go because we love them. We TRY to forget someone because we love them. We feel hurt by someone because we love them... the list just keeps going on and on.

Its really sad when I hear my friend who has been in a relationship with this girl for 5 years and wanting to give up on her. Is time really a measure of how much one loves another person? How do you really know you love this person? I know my entries are all the lovey dovey sort but hey, all of us will come to this crossroad one day. I cannot help but stay fixated on this topic for this year. Have I ever been in love before? Hmm... that is a really good question to ponder on. How would you know whether you have been in love if you don't even know what it is. O well, life goes on. To me every relationship is a learning experience. You cannot say that the relationship was not fruitful. We all sacrificed and gained something from it. It is just sad that it has to be peppered with pain, hurt and disappointment.

I will just keep searching and trudge on to find the RIGHT one in my life. Who knows maybe if I took a few steps back, I may have found the one I was looking for RIGHT under my feet.

You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, she is beautiful because you love her. ~Author Unknown

IS THERE TRUE LOVE?

Everyday as we traverse through life in search of the perfect one, the one who will make us feel unified and in a state of complete. How will one ever find this thing called true love? What is true love anyway? According to one source that I managed to scour through, it states that true love exists not when in the company of others but in existence of oneself. Remember the times when your loved one went away for a while and the feeling of pinning for that person, missing the presence, in search of the love forlorn that seemed complete for an instant? That love is not true as the pinning or missing is a reflection of our self ego, the need to fulfill the void within us. Only as and when can we learn to love ourselves can we truly say that true love exists.

Then beckons the next point, so does that mean that true love rarely exists in relationships? It depends. Most relationships start off with a physical approach. We are intrigued and drawn the touch by another being. As individuals, we can never be complete. For example, a man will never be complete without a woman and vice versa. Only through the union of two separate beings can there be completeness. Some couples bond at the physical level with the hugging, holding of hands and occasional peck on the lips. They are also others who bond at the heart level when you hear the statement “having a heart to heart talk” describing two beings. True love can only exist when there is a bond at a spiritual level. Most couples have this momentarily when everything around them does not matter and the universe seems to encircle round their existence only. Most couples will concur that they have had at least one opportunity to experience such a feeling but such situations rarely last. Perhaps the tyrannies of life and the hectic work schedule and a conformist mindset has made it difficult for modern beings of today to truly experience this word called true love.

The value of identity of course is that so often with it comes purpose. ~Richard Grant

A Hero’s Journey

A peasant begins
As a vagrant bare to the core
Two naked feet caresses his motherland
Traversing terrains highs and lows
No purpose nor hope
Nothing to anticipate
Reminance about the past he does
The hey days and the many regrets
Praying and hoping for a day
He can call a place his abyess, a home.

Till a day comes
He hears a call
A shout a scream or even a whisper
A choice he must make
To answer or a turn away
For if he were to turn a blind eye,
He remains in innocence forever always
Till the next time the call appears
A spark of inspiration
A glimmer of hope
A lion’s courage
He answers the call
Forsaking his shell of naiveness
A journey begins for this wide eyed vagrant
A battle, a quest or even an adventure
Of true love, faith or even life itself.

Demons spring forth from tinest of crannies
Worry, self-doubt and criticisms are some of their names
Conquer them a little voice said
Or be consumed by them
Danger lurks everywhere
Death’s sickle ready to strike
Unsuspecting preys
Aspiring heros to be
Vile creatures amidst the grounds
Every bush, every stone and tree
Terrorize its victims and ravage their souls constantly
What of our brave hero?
Is he dead or is he at his last breath?
Even the most chirvolus of Man must stumble and fall.
Who can help our warrior now?

A threshold of pain and adversities often leads to
A point of surrender
A submission of faith
A truth that one must face
Guardians appear at break of day
To save and to guide
Our main lead of this journey
Past his burdens and adversities
Learnings everywhere
Even from the banes
Worry turns to clarity
Self- doubt turns to affirmations
Hatred turns to love
Demons become Guardians
Banes to Boon
The Hero rises again
Reborn, renewed
Eager to fight another day
He tussles, wrestles and battles his way
Till a day comes
When a breakthrough appears
One who toils but never looks for rewards
Has finally gotten his just deserts
An aim, a goal or even his purpose
Is placed upon his open hands

A Warrior victorous
His game across his shoulders
Celebrations abound
Returning to his domicile a proud confident Man
A hero is born someone says
Of courage, of truth, of humility and of true faith
To know when to fight
To know when to let go
Is a mark of a true great one
Who grows and learns
Many new learnings along the path
Learn new things
Relearn old ones
Valuable things that money can never replaced
Kept in a special place where all special things are kept
That one day the call will come again
For our hero to answer a new quest.


All men should striveto learn before they diewhat they are running from, and to, and why.~James Thurber

What if?


A question that puzzles the mind and evokes the soul. Some question material things while others question life itself. How deep do you go to find the right answers you need to know? Most people feel while some people see. SENSE is the word you should be looking for. Sense the answer for feeling comes only from the heart. SENSE incorporates every single cell that lives in the hollow casket of yours. Remember a time when you met someone for the 1st time, you knew somehow if you had good or bad vibes, it was not a feeling but a SENSE. Sensing helps to connect you to yourself. The longest journey that one will ever have to make is between your head to your heart. Sensing gives the courage to face our inner truth. Sometimes we know what we have to do to get to somewhere and it is the lack of courage that gets us nowhere.

I recently heard this song below. Meaningful it is which relates to one of the “what if” in life. Maybe after reading the lyrics, you too may begin to find answers on your own.

The Emancipation of Mimi (2005)
(Ooh, ooh, sweet love, yeah)
I didn't mean it
When I said I didn't love you, soI should have held on tight
I never shoulda let you go
I didn't know nothingI was stupid,
I was foolishI was lying to myself
I could not fathom that
I would everBe without your love
Never imagined I'd beSitting here beside myself
Cause I didn't know you
Cause I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything
I never felt The feeling that I'm feeling
Now that I don't hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
Cause I don't have a choice
Oh, what I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side
Right here, cause baby(We belong together)

[chorus]
When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
Cause we belong together
Who else am I gon' lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh, baby baby, we belong together
I can't sleep at night
When you are on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
Saying to me"If you think you're lonely now"
Wait a minute
This is too deep (too deep)
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface"I only think of you"
And it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things, crying
Trying to figure out
Where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
It ain't even half of whatI'm feeling inside
I need you
Need you back in my life, baby

[chorus]
When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
Cause we belong together Who else am I gon' lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh, baby baby, we belong together, baby

[chorus]
When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
Cause we belong together
Who am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh baby, baby
We belong together

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. ~M. Kathleen Casey

Friends = Food

Friends are just like food
Some help us, some harm us.
Some inspire us to grow day by day,
Some eat into the existence of our very soul
In a way or manner, we choose what we eat
Just like the way we choose our friends
Home cooked food
Junk Food
Snacks
Medication
Outside Food
Just some of the kind of friends that we meet
Have you chosen what kind of food you eating today?


Home Cooked Food
These are friends who nurture us day by day, helping us to grow in strength and character. A mixture of meat and vegetables, proteins, carbohydrates and vitamins in between, these friends do their best to help us succeed. As we become older in life, home cooked food becomes a rarity, so savor it when you do get a chance to eat. Perhaps this is what true friends are because they make our lives complete and fulfilled. It may be simple and bland but who can ever understand the joy of simplicity? It is not the taste of the food that matters but who and how it was prepared that matters more.

Junk Food
These are friends that are there for a quick pick me up. When we are sad and down, when we are in need for someone to be there for us, they are those whom we find nearest to us and we consider them friends because of our innate need to feel loved and accepted by others. These are the kind of people who participate in frivolous things whose ideas of fun include inputting poison into one’s own body. What kind of a sick perverse concept is it to have alcohol, tar and drugs pumped up one’s veins as an idea of enjoyment. Sometimes in our hearts, our morality tells us it is wrong to waste the time away or to “kill” ourselves. Companionship is what we look for in these people and the more we eat them, the sicker we become. We become fat and obese and severely unhealthy as time passes by. If nothing is done to stop this diet of ours, such friends may eventually lead us to our “death”. We begin to lose the meaning of life and we begin to ask ourselves this question: Was the initial thrill and excitement that was promised all worth our lives?

Snacks
We have them when we feel like it, when we crave for a certain feeling or taste. We eat them bit by bit and sometimes, we eat them like there is no tomorrow. They are cheaper than junk food and more readily available, 7 Eleven, supermarkets or the nearby grocery shop. Everywhere you go you can find it. There are also more varieties to choose from and yet their origins unknown. No one really knows how they were created or what their ingredients are composed of. They work the same way as junk food except that the effects are slower. Ways of “dying” are more unique and interesting. Would you rather die quickly with excruciating pain or a slow painful death?

Medication
These are what help us to recover when we are sick, when we have a headache, a tummy ache, a sore throat or a heart burn. We look to medication to give us that relief from all the pain and suffering that our choices have caused us. Over time such intense use of medication can lead to an addiction where we become too dependent on them for us to feel good. It becomes really sad when this medication indicates how much we love ourselves.


Outside food
These are the kind of friends that appear to be like home cooked food, nurturing, caring and kind, always willing to lend a helping hand etc. However behind these curtains of deception lies a treacherous truth that may shock us all. The oil, MSG and fats slowly eat into us and cause us to fall without us even knowing about it. It becomes a convenient substitute for people who we consider our true friends. This is the kind of food that appears most commonly in our lives. Some claim they have less oil, more vegetables and are the healthier choice, how do we really know what lies on this plate?

Sometimes in life, we make lousy choices. We get friends who backstab us in the end, some who kick up a big fuss over a little disagreement, some who become emotionally unstable at the slightest moment. Yet, there are a small handful of these friends who make all the search worthwhile.


Hope is for the hopeless- Sometimes when you feel hopeless, hope is all that you got.

WHAT IF

As we traverse through life day by day, many emotions we carry on our backs. Happiness, saddness, love and hate.
Pain and pleasure, fear and courage.
Guilt and regret, missed opportunities.
A whirlwind of mixed emotions, it is no wonder why its complicated to be a human being.
Everyone strives to be perfect but by being perfect in an imperfect world, isn't that person imperfect too?
As we grow older and older, we add on more and more questions to our "What if" list. More regrets that we have, more missed opportunities in life and the guilt meter just keeps growing and growing.

Here is a list of What if questions that we might have come across in our lives:
What if
1. I could have the chance to turn back time
2. I could make things right again
3. I could be prettier/ more handsome
4. I was born in a different family
5. I could have treasured him/her when he/she was around
6. I could have plucked up the courage to make her mine
7. I never broke up with him/her, we would still be happy
8. I had worked harder when I was young
9. I never that stupid mistake that costed me my life
10. I had never fallen in love with him/her
11. I could choose my destiny all over again
12.I could be smarter than others
13. I could bring him/her back to life
14. I could say the things I wished I had the courage to say
15. I could have done the things that I promised
16. I could have taken back all the things that I said before
17. I could lead a different life
18. I could have treated her/him better so that the relationship would last
19. I was dead right now
20. I could never feel or need love in my life, I would not be in so much pain

These are just some "What if" questions that pass us by in different stages of our lives. Would it be better to reminence about the past and wish we could have done better or would it be better to forgive and forget?

Someone once told me that we never forgive and forget, rather we should forgive and learn, learn the many lessons about how much those missed opportunities cost us.

Have you thought about your "What if" list yet? I guess it only makes us more human.

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher

WHEN DO WE KNOW IT IS LOVE OR LUST?

Love or Lust
Which one is it?
Which brings euphoria, which brings tears?
Which brings joy, which brings pain?
Which is real, which is make-believed?
Which is true, which is false?
So many questions, so many doubts,
no wonder love is a complicated thing.

Love begins with a physical attraction, there is no doubt about it. From the time we set eyes on the person, something tells us there must be something wonderful about this person worth pursuing. Is this lust or love? Will there come a time when lust transcend to love? How do we know that?

There are so many categories of love:
TRUE LOVE
CONDITIONAL LOVE
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
ONE SIDED LOVE
PUPPY LOVE
CRUSHES
PHYSCIAL LOVE
FOOLISH LOVE

How do we know which group we fall under? Must lust and love co-exist? Can love exist without any physical attraction?

All men should striveto learn before they diewhat they are running from, and to, and why.~James Thurber

HAPPINESS! WHEN WILL WE EVER FIND IT?

Everyone wants it,
Everyone craves for it.
Unfortunately, not everyone finds it.
Those that find it,
Rarely get a chance to keep it.

What is happiness really? How do we even know when we have achieved happiness in our lives? Different people have different ways to keep themselves happy. Some like to use external sources to satisfy this addiction of theirs: Television programs, computer games, shopping, chatting, eating and even sleeping for long hours. As I look around me and observe the people who walked cross my path, I realized that this "happiness" seldom last long. Could this be nothing more than delusion?

Isn't it a wonder too why some turn to alcohol, durgs and smoking to make themselves happy? How can consuming something so toxic be a way of true happiness? If this is the only way, then some would rather keep themselves well and alive than simply to waste their lives away for that puff of happiness.

To me, happiness must come from within. Some can find happiness by doing nothing at all. Some do things that seem mundane to others yet to them it brings them a sense of euphoria and ultimate pleasure. For example, a couple goes for a picnic along the beach. To many, it could be a waste of time and something rather frivalous. Yet, these two people whose paths have met perhaps by fate or destiny are sharing a moment that people will never be able to understand or appreciate. Happiness cannot be explained, defined or quantified. It is simply a feeling deep from within that when you feel it, you know!

Here is some food for thought: Have you found your happiness? How do you know it is there?

"It is not that people do not know what to think but rather people cannot stop thinking" - the book THE POWER OF NOW

IS THERE SUCH A THING AS LOVE AT 1st SIGHT? CAN IT BE REAL?

They are some in this world that believe in love at 1st sight, a profound ideology that some swear by. The question beckons, how does one know one is in love? Does the heart beat faster or does one start to sutter upon the sight of someone they like? IS there a difference between love and infatuation? When does one cross the line of a crush into REAL love? What is love anyway?

Love perhaps exists in this world as a contradiction. One in which Man can never really begin to quantify or define.

Love brings the BEST out of Man yet it brings the worst too!

Love make us happy with joy yet it can also brings tears.

Love is about union of two souls fated to be together yet it is about separation of different hearts.

Love heals a lonely heart and yet it can hurt a person forlorn.

Love is about possession and yet love is about what once was.

Love is about enternity and yet love needs only to last awhile.

Love is about sacrifice and yet love is also about being selfish.

Some claim love to be a wonderful thing and yet others say it is the ugliest thing ever created

Some embrace it and yet some shun from it.

WHAT IS LOVE REALLY ALL ABOUT? Have you experienced love yet? There are many questions about this word called LOVE and yet no one really has an answer to it. Maybe it is better to simply forget and abandon the rational reasoning that phliosophers have and dive into the feeling for ourselves what LOVE really is all about.

" It is better to love the unloved than not to be loved at all" - MidSummer's Night Dream

WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF BLOGGING!

I have now offically joined the world of blogging, where people place their inner most thoughts online for the world to see. Some use it to reveal who they are. Others use it as a way to vent their every frustration, woe and sorrow. Whatever it is, it seems as though blogging is here to stay. Perhaps it is a way to keep people sane expressing one's self talk in a written format.

"It is not what you do not know that harms you but what you think you know but do not know that harms you more. What harms you the most is what you do not know that you know that you still don't know"