Patience

Patience young one,
the padawan said
Yoda then said
do or do not, try not is

Confused, disturbed all rolled into one
Per chance the beginnings
of an epic war
The tyrants arise
to conquer the lands
Who gains control
becomes the Man

A land of masscare
A pit stenched with death
Who can bring light to this dark forlorn place?
Hear the call, respond to it
Patience my child
I remembered someone said
The power of waiting
Divine for all to see

Yet true love comes like
poison in its roots and
honey on its leaves
When one endures and holds to the end
Rewards will come bountiful in nature
Sweetness and tenderness
will be my prize
when I await my beautiful bride

She wavers she coos
What does she want?
Why must she play with my heart like a strum?
I must wait, I must be patient
For I hope my wait will not be in vain
My dreams my future rests in her hands
Shattered I'll be
if she opens her hands
Hope will sink down to the ground
Like raindrops that patter on the brown brown soil


Shattered dreams I once heard
Makes a Man stronger with each humming word
I have had enough I feel
Too many have gone past my life
For me to let anymore drift by
Like logs in the ocean
floating gently away
An agony, a pain, a torment of mine
To watch mine given up as a prize
To someone somewhere
A sliver platter on which
My dreams and hopes lie
I pray my patience will pay for itself
Reap rich rewards beyond my thoughts
stretching the horizons
beyond the fabric of time
Perhaps true happiness lies

The Wretched One

Woe is me, the wretched one
Torments me day by day
When it ceases, I die.
When it lives, I suffer.
Alas, why must Man endure such treachery, to be placed on the pedestal?
Judged by feelings and circumstances,
Often of a passive nature


Hold on, a voice calls
Let go, another one says
Who should I listen to?
What should I do?
Trust me senses or logic
Choices have consequences
Know that we do
But choices of what do we make
A or B, 1 or 2


Life is of such complications
Piece by piece, fragile in form
Take time to tussle and juggle we do
Till one day it breaks sometimes in two
Shattered across smashing arrays
Why must the sky forever be grey?


My life is a farce, a lie so to call
Perceptions and answers
Whose right and whose wrong?
Believer, conceiver or victim conjoined
Some say its blue, some say its shade
Whatever it is, I don't really care


Wretched one O Wretched one,
Why must you be there?
To give me hope and take it away
To let me feel joy and intensify the pain
To tingle my senses and drench it with sadness
Someone help me please
My senses thus weak
The lifeforce that runs
through the tracks of the living
grows weaker and weaker
as sunrise and sunset
My light is fading, so is my will
When will it all finally end?


With things to pass
And routes to take
Who can come and rescue my fate?
To devour this wretched one
and keep me in sane
just for a while
before the mayhem begins again.

Water that is poured can never be retrieved back.

Translated from a Chinese saying that words, ideas, thoughts or actions can never be taken back when the deed has been done. Hence, there is room for regret and disappointment with a dash of pain and a whole lot of meloncholic feelings left behind.

Sometimes when the pain becomes overwhelming, one may search to release and vent the frustrations. Some resort to screaming their lungs out, some may resort to suicide. I chose a more healthy alternative, hitting the gym. Note that I used the word healthy, not safe because on this occasion when I was releasing my negative energies, I managed to nearly rip my entire shoulder apart because I was so "bu zhi liang li" and decided to carry the load myself. My arm gave way and the sheer force tore my muscle nearly into half. Talk about conversion of energy from emotional pain to physical pain... sounds sadistic but hey, I am entitled to this little luxury once in a while.

In every sense 0f the word, what I cannot understand, comprehend or decipher is why people take "things" back after they have given it out. It is just like the Christmas season, you buy a present for someone and it is something that this person has always wanted. You give it to him and suddenly in a moment of guilt or perhaps regret... you say.. ooopss..... sorry, I am taking it back because you re not ready for it yet. Catch my drift!!!! It is just too ironic that such things do happen in the world and the when it hits someone, the only thought is why?

Perchance patience comes to mind but yet with the ramblings that I have been going on about, patience will be left for another day. As for now, I believe that if one were to do something, one has to see it through to the very end. It is just like a marathon that a person runs halfway simply because he regreted signing up while running. The joy in the marathon is not about the glory in winning but the journey itself. It may be gruelling and it may hurt at times but heck, all of that is worth it.

When was the last time we saw through something to the very end?

I Forgot.......

I forgot when was the last time I felt sorry for myself
I forgot when was the the last trauma in my life.
I forgot when I felt hurt in my life.
I forgot when was the last time I told my parents I loved them.
I forgot when was the last time I appreciated people around me.
I forgot when was the last time I said sorry and meant it.
I forgot when was the last time I felt loved.
I forgot when was the last time I fell and picked myself up again.
I forgot where I left myself.
I forgot my existence.
I forgot there was love in this world.
I forgot there was more things to look forward to than money.
I forgot how to appreciate the simplicities of life.
I forgot when I last remembered the scent of a flower.
I forgot when was the last time my heart screamed in agony.
I forgot when it was that I only existed.
I forgot when was the last time life had no meaning for me.
I forgot that life was full of ups and downs
I forgot I was part of life.


Simply................... I forgot.......................

But its all coming back to me....

The Power of Forgiveness..........

It's the time of the year when everyone looks forward to the new year, a time for thanking those whom we appreciate and forgive those deemed have done us wrong. At the same time, it is also a period of reflection and repenting for sins against others and most importantly to ourselves.

What is forgiveness? Some say one must forgive and forget. What is the point of forgiving when everything has been forgotten. The significance of forgiveness is that perceptions change but memories remain. Resolution is probably the best form of forgiveness. Wounds may eventually heal but the scars remain. Perhaps these scars are there as a reminder for us to learn the lessons that needs to be learnt and never make the same mistake again. The greatest mistake in life is not learning from the same mistake.

How can one learn to forgive others when you have not learnt how to forgive yourself? People end up punishing themselves in many different ways like shopping as if there is no tomorrow, sinking into the dungeons of alcohol, succumbing to the whiff of the cigarette smoke. These are means and ways in which Man fortify their weakness and cracks day after day, hour after hour.
Until and unless we learn to surrender ourselves and face the truth, that is when we eventually learn how to forgive ourselves, forgive ourselves for our weaknesses of lust, greed, envy, gluttony etc, of past misdeeds to others or ourselves.

Forgiveness will come with time. When the time is RIGHT, the gates will open.

Season Eatings.....

Its the post Merry Christmas blues and I guess I have gotten past the stage of looking forward to presents. I remembered when I was young and I would look forward to what my mum would surprise me with. I guess that novelty that counts. Guess what my mum got me this year, she gave me 2 T-shirts and she gave me like 10 days before Christmas. People may say its the thought that counts. I agree but if my own mother does not know what I want, then who does? Presents become meaningful when someone out there pays enough attention to give you what you want, not something like T-shirts... like hello..... I know this entry sounds like a whiny teenager but hey, its Christmas season, cut me some slack.....

As I take this time to reflect on this past year, many things have happened, the good ones and the bad ones.... Work has been challenging but relationships have been even more. Emotions are jsut weird things to handle. I discovered that humans are just a bunch of ironic pieces of flesh. My friends concur with me on this: Those who are in a relationship can't wait to get out of it. Those who are not envy and wish they were in a relationship. Haiz... life is such an oxymoron... can't do with love and can't do without love... we live in such troubled times... you know, sometimes I wish I could be devoid of feelings. That way I would not have to be tormented by my inner demons every single day. Here is a survey, which pain is harder to bear? Physical pain or emotional pain? I say hands up to emotions. It can even make a grown man go on his knees and beg for mercy. Life is so wonderful with love around yet it can be a pain in the ass most times. We hate someone because we love them. We pin for someone because we love them. We miss someone because we love them. We let someone go because we love them. We TRY to forget someone because we love them. We feel hurt by someone because we love them... the list just keeps going on and on.

Its really sad when I hear my friend who has been in a relationship with this girl for 5 years and wanting to give up on her. Is time really a measure of how much one loves another person? How do you really know you love this person? I know my entries are all the lovey dovey sort but hey, all of us will come to this crossroad one day. I cannot help but stay fixated on this topic for this year. Have I ever been in love before? Hmm... that is a really good question to ponder on. How would you know whether you have been in love if you don't even know what it is. O well, life goes on. To me every relationship is a learning experience. You cannot say that the relationship was not fruitful. We all sacrificed and gained something from it. It is just sad that it has to be peppered with pain, hurt and disappointment.

I will just keep searching and trudge on to find the RIGHT one in my life. Who knows maybe if I took a few steps back, I may have found the one I was looking for RIGHT under my feet.

You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, she is beautiful because you love her. ~Author Unknown