Playing Games with FATE

Fate plays a cruel hand
When you think you are winning, you are not
When you think you are almost at the end, you realized you went one full circle
Some want life to be a bed of roses
No adversity, no pain, no sadness, no tears
Where sunflowers grow and kids smile all day
Would it not be nice to be happy always?

If thou agrees and thou consents
Then why do we send the jovial kind
condemned to asylums for the loony lies
Because they are crazy to be gay all the time?
What is to be normal, to have an ordinary life?
Is it to be sad and happy all rolled into one?
Regret and disappointment ever so near
Distress and frustration a daily fair
and once a blue moon as a special treat
To think of death as a means to an end
Is that what normal really means?

It is so sad when one is to read
seventeen girl gets AIDS in bed
First and only time
Poor soul, beguiled by fallacies of true love
That by giving one receives
Perchance this be a lesson to all who pass
the temptation of lust and bodily fun
That one might resist or else succumb
To the dark musty cranny where unknown comes

Gambling is a game for fools
When you think you win, you lose nine times out of ten
Be smart be wise
Invest your time and life
To somewhere else where fate cannot divide
between you and what you deserve
In many years to come

A Pack of Cards


Life is like a pack of cards
Fifty two in all
Milestones or tribulations
We will never know
Till the last drawn breath
An Ace or a joker
A winner or joke
Ironic it seems that
A single card can decide
The final epilogue of one’s life
Whether you laugh or laughed at

Every card has a part to play
In a eyes of a mortal man
Everyone aims for THE picture
A king, a queen or a jack
Never a three, four or five
Unless the rules are changed
When invention of humanity are distorted
By some perverse demented soul
Who seeks sanity by changing what he cannot change
Who is the real insane one? The sane or those deemed insane
Who set the rules? Who really rules?
Does the king rule its people or the people rule the king?

Every facet of life represented by a card
A spade, heart, diamond or club
Two colors there are: Red and black.
Red, a color of passion, love and perhaps even lust
Black, a manifestation of darkness and vile that lurks
Turn the mirror around and what really happens?
Red becomes anger, hatred and pain
Black serene as can be, emptiness can be a wonderful thing

Nine times out of ten
Losers at a gambling table
Could this be what life really juxtaposes?
Should I be meek and never take chances
Or should I take the first step forward?
Never ventured nothing gained
You cannot climb a smooth mountain


A mark of success is by the things that matter to you most – Gary Lee

AWAKEN THE GIANT WITHIN

A title coined by one of the world's greatest motivational coach Anthony Robbins. Everyone of us has a hero within us, a giant that lays in its slumber just like in Greek Methology where the battles of the Gods and the Giants took place. All it took was a catalyst of some sort to enrage the sleeping giant. In my rest and slumber, I came across many revelations perchance a journey to become more aware of myself. My name is ME but I am not my NAME. Having been on this earth for the past so many years, how well do we really know ourselves. When SHIT happens in our lives, we blame everything around us. We curse the seven heavens and those who left us in this plight. But when we are high and mighty, do we ever remember to be grateful to those who got us there? I too am a victim of circumstances. Along the way, I learnt that the past indeed does not equal to the future.

It is a simple equation actually. You cannot deny the existence of your past because it is what made you who you are. Your past inevitably decided your present but it does nothing for your future. What you do NOW decides what happens in the future. Hence your past does not equal to the future. But mathematically speaking, if A=B and B=C; then shouldn't A=C? Sighs, Life is just so complicated.

Recently, I had a philosophical thought. Why call a chair a chair since it has four legs and holds things? Should it not be called a table instead? And why is a table a table since it has four legs and we can sit on them? It should be called a chair. Who ever decided it should be called a chair or table? Can it not be called a squigglepop or leggyfour? Seems crazy indeed but we sometimes gain inspiration from insanity.

I have woken up or at least I think so, ready to face future endeavors and challenges to come. As they say, you cannot climb a smooth mountain. Without adversity in life, one can never sharpen one's blade and allow the shine to come through. I found the sparkle in the gem of my life through the dirt and crevices. Have you found yours?

Eternal Slumber

Dear all, this will be my last entry due to some unforeseen circumstances...... for those who have kindly poured in your comments, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. As William Shakespeare says, To be or not to be... famous words but how many of us know what it truly means... nothing last forever... till next time my friends... hibernation mode..... ON (for how long....... I don't really know)

The Snail

The snail slow and steady
Has a tale to tell
of dark secrets & hidden past
too morbid to soothsay
Maybe I will write a book
Or even a novel of romance, horror and perhaps even lust
but alas the truth of what presents
of lies, facades and twisted fates
of what seemed real now becomes surreal
many thought the snail was gone
quished and squashed
liquified and evaporated

Deceptions aside & hope beckons
everything has a time and place
Purpose and reason for existence of such
that comes a day of reckoning
when the past will be relived
people thought computers die
when formated and complicated
but none would have known
knowledge was king
with registry still intact
the truth will be revealed
and the future will be predicted
HAHAHAHA
the day will come
when the good will triumph and the bad will be ..........

Forget all this
sport for Man and creatures alike
The snail has his own perils to deal with
of waiting and waiting and waiting some more
Just say YES the mind screams
and wails at the top of its voice
NOW is the word
NOW is the time
NOW is what I want most to hear
You know that NOW

NOW

Reading a book
Titled the Power Of Now
Simple title
Yet music to my ears
Nothing changes yet everything does
Why you ask
So did Socrates
Greatest Philosopher on Earth
Mentor to Plato
As all might have heard
Asking questions day and night
We might say he is curious
Others may call him nosy
Whatever it was
Whatever it is
He who does not know is the wisest
For the Oracle predicted so
that when asked who was the wisest of them all

Socrates was his name
He quivered he shook
He wondered it all
Does it make sense?
Who ever said that had to make sense?
When would be the right time to ask?
When would be the right time to act?
When would be the right time to say YES?
Socrates thought long and hard
forty scores and many nights
until he stumbled upon the answer.
If he waited, if he hesitated
One day would never come

He knew which word would be most befitting
A joyous ending to end all his woes and sorrows
To straighten his furrowed brows and ugly frown
To water the withered flower within his heart
The wisest of all Man dead or alive
There was to be none before him or none after him
There would only be one him, Socrates

And what better word to replace the fables and fairytales
of once upon a time or one day
than a simple word, a 3 lettered creation
NOW!
The question remains, when would NOW come?
Perhaps 1 day, 5 days or even 10 days from NOW
Keep thy promise, keep thy word
Your word is gold and treasure delight
NOW is the word I would most like to hear.

The TREE

A sapling spawned
The beginning of life
For this young seedling
To face a myriad of worlds
a land of unforeseen prophecies
To weather the torment of winds
And the patters of rain
Day after day
Night after night
Rain or shine
In life, opposites exist
Or so says the philosophers
Nothing from nothing
Everything from everything
That everything exist for a reason
broken into its elements four
of air, water, fire and earth
spring forth the gift of life

Challenges rose and troubles brewed
Yet in the most enigmatic fashion,
Roots in place
flowers blossomed in sight
The chirping of birds
The greenery of leaves
A sight to behold
Almost wanton and sinful
to dwell in such an anastacia
of fantasy and make believe

Now strong and sturdy
A tree it has become
Branches with teak motif
Leaves of lush green, brown and red
A spectrum of colors
that only artists could capture
Untouched and untainted
by the concrete jungle
Forces of natures
where Angels dwell
and devils shun
A wonderous perspective into what life is
And what it could be

Years past
maybe 10 maybe 20
Numbers it just is
What has become of this tree?
A dreary sight
Tears streamed down the ducts of every eye
A withered spectacle
Of what it used to be
A single leaf falls in an almost dramatic dance
In melody with the cold winds that blow
sends shivers even in the bravest of us
A parched lake hangs beside our friend
Everything's gone
Everything's dead
Leaving behind a lonesome tree
to listen to the howls of the midnight wolf
Is it fear or is it sorrow
of what tommorow could lay

TIME

Title of a magazine
Name of a place
1st words taught to a minor
A way to quantify our lives
We have come to a full circle
From adolescents to adults we have become
Yet no one can really answer this question.

WHAT IS TIME?
Some may say it is what is on the watch
Some say it is to keep us on time.
Who in the world ever said we had to be ON time?
Why can't we be under time or over time?
In this god forsaken land we call the rat race
Everyone is racing against time
Have we forgotten the simple pleasures in life
To appreciate what we have or feel
Even pain can be a miracle once in a while
Let us know we still live
In this cemetary we call home
Why is a city a cemetary and a cemetrary a city?
I guess I found my answer to that

Fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time"
Which time, where and how?
When did it all begin?
Alas if only reality was like fables
To suffer through tribulations and trials
And have a euphoric ending
of victories and celebrations
But it is not to be
My most hated word for the moment is.........
One day........
What is this one day?
two very simple words
One is a number while the other reflective of night
Yet these two words torment me day and night
If only there was a way to count it
One day two days
When will this one day come?
When will the day come when I can see the light at the end of the tunnel?
When When When?

I sickened myself asking these questions
Wanted to stand tall and walk up straight
Pretend everything is alright and life goes on
But like a clown I put on a show.
Making people laugh and enjoy the show
But I'm crying inside
No one knows it but ME.
Wish I could put this burden down
like a fallen hero with no where to go
Wearied and beaten
like a foul mongrel
A fool in vertigo of love and hate
A sprial of neverending concoctions of feelings and memories
of what was and what could be
Heightened expectations that could never be met
of self and of scenes of what might be instead

Time, all I need is time
Tell me someone
When will this one day come?
Patience is just a word
Easier said than done
With emotions and feelings all rolled into one
I feel like a dwarf standing at the brink of a vast ocean
at the beach overlooking the waters
As it forms a horizon between the fluid blue and the fluffy blue
The sun shines bright and hope seems near
Yet it can be dashed with a tsunami of waves
Washing the poor dwarf and away we go
Far far away to never never land
If only I knew where I was headed with this
A boat or even a scuba gear
could aid me in my quest
in pursuit of my hero's journey
So kind soul, please tell me
When will this one day come.

Untitled

Not a Simple Plan
Or a lazy attempt
But how I feel and how I think
At this second and minute
Can hardly be compartmentalized or categorized
Into the conformities that Society has set for its minions to follow
Blind are the believers
To take it all in
Trusting that the higher beings know it all
For a Man who thinks he knows all knows nothing
And a Man who knows nothing knows everything
Why must we conform to what the past has set for us?
Perhaps so that history will not repeat thy self
I think, I feel and I disagree
The morning mist and the evening glare
thousands of years have past
same words different views
ceteris paribus is an absolute impossibility
a word found in economics
about demand and supply
I hate the word demand
especially those who think they know it all
flaunt what they have and what they think they know
Arrogance is all they have gained
From knowledge accumulated through the years
wisdom is knowledge
Knowledge is not wisdom
Obviously some have simply thought otherwise
Too big for caps to fit their heads
Hope and dream and even wish
Vengence may come upon them
Vanquish the proud and the disrespectful
For the good of Man
Do humanity a service
People may say.
Don't hate the player
Hate the game
A game we are all forced to play
Who ever came up with this stupid term
the customer is always right.
Politeness goes down the drain
No please no request
Demands, I want it NOW, it can be done
have somehow replaced the sweetness of how we once were

Woe is me, how can we ever turn the clock back
to destroy these thorns in my flesh
that irk me everytime I see them
Harsh words we use to describe them
What can I do?
Feel sorry, cry my heart out
Nay, for those are for self pity
We should be strong and fight for the common good
We have the alpha omega, the ultimate weapon
beyond human comprehension and understanding
A smile is all we need
grit our teeth and bear the pain
surpress the anger and wrench the vengence
Behind the smile
malicious thoughts and forceful words
hidden behind every molar and inscior
awaiting a day when the good will finally prevail.

Confused?

Confused, a patented word for mere mortals
When the world is in a topsy turvy,
Or when perceptions reflect a mosaic of life.
What is she saying? I'm confused
What does she mean? I'm confused
What does she want from me? I'm confused
Why is she doing this to me? I'm confused
Where do we go from here? I'm confused
Questions fashioned to boggle the minds of the weak ones
Ice blended emotions and issues all rolled into one
Like multi-colored plasticine manipulated by a young child
Who knows not what he or she does
But enjoys the torment of creating a confusion of colors
intertwined by destiny and twisted by fate

Maybe we think too much, feel too deep and fall too far
To ever understand the complexity and purpose of tweaking the veins and vines
of human emotions and minds
Per chance a day may come
When the clouds may clear
and the mist disappears
revealing in all its glory
a beam of bright white light
a ray of hope, a multitude of answers
Wisdom, a word always heard but misunderstood
How does one know when to be wise?
When one attains nirvana or when one learns everything that needs to be learnt?
If that is so, then wise is no one.
I too will be wise when my answer comes,
of what I seek that the One knows
I pray each moment that the day will come
when the whispers of what I desire to hear
rustle in the winds
that she may beckon my presence
One day
For now I remain confused.

Another day has passed


It has been a couple of days since I have updated my blog and I guess my faithful friends who have been following my blog must have been shocked and at the same time happy somewhat that I decided to update my blog more often. I guess I decided to do so because it is an outlet for me to express my thoughts and vent whatever frustrations and anger I have about life. My mentor once said: "What cannot be expressed finds expression" Now come to think of it, it is so true. If I have not found ways to express my feelings, I think I would have gone bonkers by now. In the past, I used to explode at the slightest thing. Friends who have known me for a long long time would know this fact about me. Scary would be the word. Nowadays I choose to implode everything, numb myself from the affairs that this world brings. I am not sure how much of it I can hold inside me.

I have been drifting in and out of consciousness. I live in a very surreal world right now. I can't seem to tell what is real to me and what is not. People and things that I thought was a certain perspective now seems like a total facade. I cannot take everything wholesale anymore because of lessons that I have learnt that the world that we live in is not as distinct as it seems. It is not longer a world of clear black and white. Instead, there are so many grey areas that I can no longer distingush what is the truth and what is falsehood. It is so frustrating having to 2nd guess what people's intentions. I really miss primary school days when life was a lot simpler. We did not have to worry that people had hidden agendas. Life was in your face as it is. I find it really anguishing and painful that people's actions sometimes don't match what they say. How am I supposed to know how to repond or react? It is not what you say but how you say it that matters more. I thought that things would look up for me and I was coming out of my dark patch. I was happy for a while, leading a more carefree life but things had to happen and I am now stuck in this vertigo of rotten emotions again. I have been ping ponging between a multitude of feelings that makes me feel frustrated being a human being. Why can't life be more opaque than it is now? People play games, everyone does. I am growing weary and worn out from having to participate in these games. I have become an unwilling party in this sport that some have fashioned to get the minons to participate for pleasure or jest. Whatever it is, it sucks to be treated like a fool sometimes. Everything is a choice and maybe I have made a choice for others to treat me like a fool. On one hand, you know that you deserve a lot better. On the other hand, a part of you still feels that there is something worth holding onto. For now, my vision is like the weather in Singapore, gloomy with showers from time to time, unpredicatable most times. Maybe in a couple of days, the sun will shine and we all can go get a tan but we know that it is unpredictable. We will just have to see.

NUMB

People find different ways to numb themselves, a way to be devoid of emotions and perhaps morbid in nature, to enter a demonic state of senseless anguish and pain, tattered with heart breaking anticipation of what might be tomorrow. Some entrench themselves in the magic dragon while others go in pursuit of the magic drink. Others pretend everything is ok until the emotions overwhelm them. I used to numb myself by sleeping it off. I begin to realize that my reliable old friend is no longer there. I wake up hoping to desensitize myself, numbing myself from whatever that bothers me. Instead I find myself a million times amplified.

This holidays I chose to return to myself, searching for what I had lost before. Those who know me know that this is not the one I usually am. Why am I like this I do not know? Everything has a place and a purpose and perhaps it is there to teach me a lesson. A little voice tells me to have hope that the rainbow will come after the storm while another tells me to have fear that I may not see the light again. I too fear that I may not be able to pick myself up again, to be able to guide my ship out of the choppy seas. All it would take is a CATALYST to explode it into multiple propulsions. In the past, everytime things happened, I have chosen to numb myself and not feel too much. I chose not to cry and move on with my life. I guess choices have consequences and its all coming back to me now. Many events have happened, some happy but mostly sad. That is a summary of how my life has been this year. Life is about perceptions and yes, my view is of a shady grey. It is my choice and this is how I feel. I sometimes wish Mother Earth would open up a gaping hole and suck me into the cores of existence so that I would not need to feel so much ever again.

There was this little bird that dwelled in the forest of lush green and of infinite depth. A league of the unknown where many perils lurked. Yet in the midst of confusion and turmoil, It knew what it wanted and it knew where to go. It was convicted by faith and decisive by choice. As life would have it, challenges came and obstacles arose. Each battle was fought and won. Battle scars remain but this little bird chose to ignore the remincences of the war and trudge on with life. It numbed itself from the pain and told itself to fight on. Some wounds healed while others were reopened over and over again. The pain was excruiating at times and yet this bird chose to rise above this humanly feeling called emotions and continue on its never ending journey.


One day it came across a magnificent sight, a sight beyond earthly comprehension. It fell in love with it at lst sight. This little bird thought to itself, this is the ONE that I have been waiting for. Yet fate was to be cruel and merciless when it was told that this little bird had to wait. Waiting in anticipation can be a painful thing especially when the future remains misty and dark. No one knows what lies behind the clouds, bright sunshine or eternal darkness. As time passed, this bird begin to recollect the past, something that had never been done before. What had been forgotten and shelved into the deep valleys of memories were all coming back. Emotions overwhelmed this little bird, sadness, anger, betrayal, regret, pain, anguish, jealousy, envy, disappointment, pointless wants and fruitless anticipation. All this wore this little bird down as it became a pale shadow of a warrior that it was. An accumulation of ironies and twists of fate filled the jug of life to its brim. This bird thought to itself, one more and this would definitely overflow..... what can I do than wait for the light beyond the horizon?

Perchance a happy ending might surface for this little bird. Maybe the Gods may shine its mercies on it and grant our feathered friend the wish he has always wanted. Hope is what keeps Man alive and dreams are what tells Man that he still lives. Let's pray and hope that the dreams of this little bird may come true one day.

Patience

Patience young one,
the padawan said
Yoda then said
do or do not, try not is

Confused, disturbed all rolled into one
Per chance the beginnings
of an epic war
The tyrants arise
to conquer the lands
Who gains control
becomes the Man

A land of masscare
A pit stenched with death
Who can bring light to this dark forlorn place?
Hear the call, respond to it
Patience my child
I remembered someone said
The power of waiting
Divine for all to see

Yet true love comes like
poison in its roots and
honey on its leaves
When one endures and holds to the end
Rewards will come bountiful in nature
Sweetness and tenderness
will be my prize
when I await my beautiful bride

She wavers she coos
What does she want?
Why must she play with my heart like a strum?
I must wait, I must be patient
For I hope my wait will not be in vain
My dreams my future rests in her hands
Shattered I'll be
if she opens her hands
Hope will sink down to the ground
Like raindrops that patter on the brown brown soil


Shattered dreams I once heard
Makes a Man stronger with each humming word
I have had enough I feel
Too many have gone past my life
For me to let anymore drift by
Like logs in the ocean
floating gently away
An agony, a pain, a torment of mine
To watch mine given up as a prize
To someone somewhere
A sliver platter on which
My dreams and hopes lie
I pray my patience will pay for itself
Reap rich rewards beyond my thoughts
stretching the horizons
beyond the fabric of time
Perhaps true happiness lies

The Wretched One

Woe is me, the wretched one
Torments me day by day
When it ceases, I die.
When it lives, I suffer.
Alas, why must Man endure such treachery, to be placed on the pedestal?
Judged by feelings and circumstances,
Often of a passive nature


Hold on, a voice calls
Let go, another one says
Who should I listen to?
What should I do?
Trust me senses or logic
Choices have consequences
Know that we do
But choices of what do we make
A or B, 1 or 2


Life is of such complications
Piece by piece, fragile in form
Take time to tussle and juggle we do
Till one day it breaks sometimes in two
Shattered across smashing arrays
Why must the sky forever be grey?


My life is a farce, a lie so to call
Perceptions and answers
Whose right and whose wrong?
Believer, conceiver or victim conjoined
Some say its blue, some say its shade
Whatever it is, I don't really care


Wretched one O Wretched one,
Why must you be there?
To give me hope and take it away
To let me feel joy and intensify the pain
To tingle my senses and drench it with sadness
Someone help me please
My senses thus weak
The lifeforce that runs
through the tracks of the living
grows weaker and weaker
as sunrise and sunset
My light is fading, so is my will
When will it all finally end?


With things to pass
And routes to take
Who can come and rescue my fate?
To devour this wretched one
and keep me in sane
just for a while
before the mayhem begins again.

Water that is poured can never be retrieved back.

Translated from a Chinese saying that words, ideas, thoughts or actions can never be taken back when the deed has been done. Hence, there is room for regret and disappointment with a dash of pain and a whole lot of meloncholic feelings left behind.

Sometimes when the pain becomes overwhelming, one may search to release and vent the frustrations. Some resort to screaming their lungs out, some may resort to suicide. I chose a more healthy alternative, hitting the gym. Note that I used the word healthy, not safe because on this occasion when I was releasing my negative energies, I managed to nearly rip my entire shoulder apart because I was so "bu zhi liang li" and decided to carry the load myself. My arm gave way and the sheer force tore my muscle nearly into half. Talk about conversion of energy from emotional pain to physical pain... sounds sadistic but hey, I am entitled to this little luxury once in a while.

In every sense 0f the word, what I cannot understand, comprehend or decipher is why people take "things" back after they have given it out. It is just like the Christmas season, you buy a present for someone and it is something that this person has always wanted. You give it to him and suddenly in a moment of guilt or perhaps regret... you say.. ooopss..... sorry, I am taking it back because you re not ready for it yet. Catch my drift!!!! It is just too ironic that such things do happen in the world and the when it hits someone, the only thought is why?

Perchance patience comes to mind but yet with the ramblings that I have been going on about, patience will be left for another day. As for now, I believe that if one were to do something, one has to see it through to the very end. It is just like a marathon that a person runs halfway simply because he regreted signing up while running. The joy in the marathon is not about the glory in winning but the journey itself. It may be gruelling and it may hurt at times but heck, all of that is worth it.

When was the last time we saw through something to the very end?

I Forgot.......

I forgot when was the last time I felt sorry for myself
I forgot when was the the last trauma in my life.
I forgot when I felt hurt in my life.
I forgot when was the last time I told my parents I loved them.
I forgot when was the last time I appreciated people around me.
I forgot when was the last time I said sorry and meant it.
I forgot when was the last time I felt loved.
I forgot when was the last time I fell and picked myself up again.
I forgot where I left myself.
I forgot my existence.
I forgot there was love in this world.
I forgot there was more things to look forward to than money.
I forgot how to appreciate the simplicities of life.
I forgot when I last remembered the scent of a flower.
I forgot when was the last time my heart screamed in agony.
I forgot when it was that I only existed.
I forgot when was the last time life had no meaning for me.
I forgot that life was full of ups and downs
I forgot I was part of life.


Simply................... I forgot.......................

But its all coming back to me....

The Power of Forgiveness..........

It's the time of the year when everyone looks forward to the new year, a time for thanking those whom we appreciate and forgive those deemed have done us wrong. At the same time, it is also a period of reflection and repenting for sins against others and most importantly to ourselves.

What is forgiveness? Some say one must forgive and forget. What is the point of forgiving when everything has been forgotten. The significance of forgiveness is that perceptions change but memories remain. Resolution is probably the best form of forgiveness. Wounds may eventually heal but the scars remain. Perhaps these scars are there as a reminder for us to learn the lessons that needs to be learnt and never make the same mistake again. The greatest mistake in life is not learning from the same mistake.

How can one learn to forgive others when you have not learnt how to forgive yourself? People end up punishing themselves in many different ways like shopping as if there is no tomorrow, sinking into the dungeons of alcohol, succumbing to the whiff of the cigarette smoke. These are means and ways in which Man fortify their weakness and cracks day after day, hour after hour.
Until and unless we learn to surrender ourselves and face the truth, that is when we eventually learn how to forgive ourselves, forgive ourselves for our weaknesses of lust, greed, envy, gluttony etc, of past misdeeds to others or ourselves.

Forgiveness will come with time. When the time is RIGHT, the gates will open.

Season Eatings.....

Its the post Merry Christmas blues and I guess I have gotten past the stage of looking forward to presents. I remembered when I was young and I would look forward to what my mum would surprise me with. I guess that novelty that counts. Guess what my mum got me this year, she gave me 2 T-shirts and she gave me like 10 days before Christmas. People may say its the thought that counts. I agree but if my own mother does not know what I want, then who does? Presents become meaningful when someone out there pays enough attention to give you what you want, not something like T-shirts... like hello..... I know this entry sounds like a whiny teenager but hey, its Christmas season, cut me some slack.....

As I take this time to reflect on this past year, many things have happened, the good ones and the bad ones.... Work has been challenging but relationships have been even more. Emotions are jsut weird things to handle. I discovered that humans are just a bunch of ironic pieces of flesh. My friends concur with me on this: Those who are in a relationship can't wait to get out of it. Those who are not envy and wish they were in a relationship. Haiz... life is such an oxymoron... can't do with love and can't do without love... we live in such troubled times... you know, sometimes I wish I could be devoid of feelings. That way I would not have to be tormented by my inner demons every single day. Here is a survey, which pain is harder to bear? Physical pain or emotional pain? I say hands up to emotions. It can even make a grown man go on his knees and beg for mercy. Life is so wonderful with love around yet it can be a pain in the ass most times. We hate someone because we love them. We pin for someone because we love them. We miss someone because we love them. We let someone go because we love them. We TRY to forget someone because we love them. We feel hurt by someone because we love them... the list just keeps going on and on.

Its really sad when I hear my friend who has been in a relationship with this girl for 5 years and wanting to give up on her. Is time really a measure of how much one loves another person? How do you really know you love this person? I know my entries are all the lovey dovey sort but hey, all of us will come to this crossroad one day. I cannot help but stay fixated on this topic for this year. Have I ever been in love before? Hmm... that is a really good question to ponder on. How would you know whether you have been in love if you don't even know what it is. O well, life goes on. To me every relationship is a learning experience. You cannot say that the relationship was not fruitful. We all sacrificed and gained something from it. It is just sad that it has to be peppered with pain, hurt and disappointment.

I will just keep searching and trudge on to find the RIGHT one in my life. Who knows maybe if I took a few steps back, I may have found the one I was looking for RIGHT under my feet.

You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, she is beautiful because you love her. ~Author Unknown

IS THERE TRUE LOVE?

Everyday as we traverse through life in search of the perfect one, the one who will make us feel unified and in a state of complete. How will one ever find this thing called true love? What is true love anyway? According to one source that I managed to scour through, it states that true love exists not when in the company of others but in existence of oneself. Remember the times when your loved one went away for a while and the feeling of pinning for that person, missing the presence, in search of the love forlorn that seemed complete for an instant? That love is not true as the pinning or missing is a reflection of our self ego, the need to fulfill the void within us. Only as and when can we learn to love ourselves can we truly say that true love exists.

Then beckons the next point, so does that mean that true love rarely exists in relationships? It depends. Most relationships start off with a physical approach. We are intrigued and drawn the touch by another being. As individuals, we can never be complete. For example, a man will never be complete without a woman and vice versa. Only through the union of two separate beings can there be completeness. Some couples bond at the physical level with the hugging, holding of hands and occasional peck on the lips. They are also others who bond at the heart level when you hear the statement “having a heart to heart talk” describing two beings. True love can only exist when there is a bond at a spiritual level. Most couples have this momentarily when everything around them does not matter and the universe seems to encircle round their existence only. Most couples will concur that they have had at least one opportunity to experience such a feeling but such situations rarely last. Perhaps the tyrannies of life and the hectic work schedule and a conformist mindset has made it difficult for modern beings of today to truly experience this word called true love.

The value of identity of course is that so often with it comes purpose. ~Richard Grant

A Hero’s Journey

A peasant begins
As a vagrant bare to the core
Two naked feet caresses his motherland
Traversing terrains highs and lows
No purpose nor hope
Nothing to anticipate
Reminance about the past he does
The hey days and the many regrets
Praying and hoping for a day
He can call a place his abyess, a home.

Till a day comes
He hears a call
A shout a scream or even a whisper
A choice he must make
To answer or a turn away
For if he were to turn a blind eye,
He remains in innocence forever always
Till the next time the call appears
A spark of inspiration
A glimmer of hope
A lion’s courage
He answers the call
Forsaking his shell of naiveness
A journey begins for this wide eyed vagrant
A battle, a quest or even an adventure
Of true love, faith or even life itself.

Demons spring forth from tinest of crannies
Worry, self-doubt and criticisms are some of their names
Conquer them a little voice said
Or be consumed by them
Danger lurks everywhere
Death’s sickle ready to strike
Unsuspecting preys
Aspiring heros to be
Vile creatures amidst the grounds
Every bush, every stone and tree
Terrorize its victims and ravage their souls constantly
What of our brave hero?
Is he dead or is he at his last breath?
Even the most chirvolus of Man must stumble and fall.
Who can help our warrior now?

A threshold of pain and adversities often leads to
A point of surrender
A submission of faith
A truth that one must face
Guardians appear at break of day
To save and to guide
Our main lead of this journey
Past his burdens and adversities
Learnings everywhere
Even from the banes
Worry turns to clarity
Self- doubt turns to affirmations
Hatred turns to love
Demons become Guardians
Banes to Boon
The Hero rises again
Reborn, renewed
Eager to fight another day
He tussles, wrestles and battles his way
Till a day comes
When a breakthrough appears
One who toils but never looks for rewards
Has finally gotten his just deserts
An aim, a goal or even his purpose
Is placed upon his open hands

A Warrior victorous
His game across his shoulders
Celebrations abound
Returning to his domicile a proud confident Man
A hero is born someone says
Of courage, of truth, of humility and of true faith
To know when to fight
To know when to let go
Is a mark of a true great one
Who grows and learns
Many new learnings along the path
Learn new things
Relearn old ones
Valuable things that money can never replaced
Kept in a special place where all special things are kept
That one day the call will come again
For our hero to answer a new quest.


All men should striveto learn before they diewhat they are running from, and to, and why.~James Thurber